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| um... |
| 12.11.03 (8:59 am) [edit] |
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what the hell happened to tblog? i'm quite confused...help???
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| um... |
| 12.11.03 (8:59 am) [edit] |
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what the hell happened to tblog? i'm quite confused...help???
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| U knoW It... |
| 09.07.03 (7:50 am) [edit] |
fuck u, fuck u, fuck u, your cool, fuck u
YEAH biiiatch u know it
i always get super happy n then i get super sad. it's great
people are great..they do so much screwed up stuff it's grreeeaatttttttt
i'm in an f-u type mood..hence the beginning.
i don't care about any one or anythin n i'm sure they don't care about me back. i'm gonna b super selfish n just care about....nothing...b/c i don't want to care about myself.
u gotta a problem w/ my new way of carin then go to hell
~in a wonderfully shitty mood~
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| Some day I pray... |
| 09.04.03 (12:55 pm) [edit] |
yeah. So what can i say.
i got invited to a strip club last night. These guys wanted me to go w/ them..then as a joke they signed me up to strip on this paper thing..i was like umm no..
I guess guys think that good girls are bad. Well..sometimes :twisted:
The other night i just broke down and i started cryin b/c i thought that no one in jersey missed me. i was soo upset. but i realized that i was just over reacting.
i'm goin to eat w/ the bro at five. so that should b fun.
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| College life couldn't be better |
| 08.27.03 (7:50 pm) [edit] |
I LOVE SCRANTON!!!! IT EXCITES ME!!!
sorry for the like million years of bein away the internet was down for like ever here at college.
well you will hear from me more. i gotta go do some work. ttyl mwahhhhssss
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| B/c i like to... |
| 08.15.03 (1:28 pm) [edit] |
bitch n complain. :twisted:
yep that's me. i complain about everyone n every thing. it's great.
i wish that i could jus b happy w/ the way things are goin in my life. i mean i'm goin to college. i learned who my true friends are. [b]~[i]i'm always complainin about that[/i]~[/b]
I wish i lived in a video game. one w/ a happy endin. like final fantasy games or i'd like to b ash in the evil dead. i love that movie.
i was listenin to old heart break songs the other night. among them were: Toni Braxton "Unbreak my heart" that one was some terrible cryin memories for me. TLC "I miss you so much" etc. etc.
My favorite missin you song is "Wish you were here" By Pink Floyd
i like songs w/ meain if any one has any music they think is good let me know i'm makin lots of mixed tapes for school n i could use some good tunes....
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| I knew this would happen |
| 08.10.03 (9:35 pm) [edit] |
I did predict it. I jus knew it would happen. W/ jus two weeks left before i go to college, it has just slapped me in the face hardcore. N it jus happened on my drive home from Bill's. I was thinkin about how short two weeks are. N it was caused by Ed. This pain in my chest was caused by Ed. i was thinkin about how much i love him..n that i have to leave him. I realized how much i'm goin to miss my family n all of my friends n that bothered me, but it didn't affect me in the way that thinkin of leavin Ed did. I mean we really never talked about it. We jus decided that we are goin to stick together through it. But it's jus like i don't want to leave him. I really don't. Don't get me wrong i think college is goin to be the greatest thing on earth. I mean i loved orentation and the people there are great. My grandparents are up there so ya no i know that i will b fine. I made friends so that's cool. I'm gonna def miss everyone down here n i know that my true friends will b here for me when i get back. I jus hope that love can endure all things. I hope that friendships will be the same when i get back. [b]i hope people don't forget me.[/b] :(
I am goin to leave my heart in jersey. :cry: it jus breaks my heart. I know that i'll b fine...[i]but how can u leave a part of you....[/i]
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| When the hell did i |
| 08.07.03 (8:06 am) [edit] |
[b]grow up[/b]. I mean seriously...how the hell am I 18 already? b/c i have noo idea. N when the hell did the month of aug turn into hell for me. I friggin hate the month of aug. Too many people died in this month n i've had my heart broken or somethin has gone wrong for the last 2 years. It's terrible this month creeps the hell out of me.
[i] I fear everythin this month[/i]
Went to applebee's last nighth w/ Christie. That was fun. I hung out at her house until i had to go home. N then i came home to deal w/ hell. Hell n i are best friends by the way. [i]sarcasm[/i] Whatever. serisouly boys piss me ooooffff!!!!!! jackass.Today sucks it's friggin rainin yet again. Where the hell is the sun?
Last Day of work tonight!! :D i'm kind of sad oh wait no i'm not!
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| Thunder only happens... |
| 08.05.03 (4:03 pm) [edit] |
when it's raining.
so life is the greatest thin right now. :roll:
why?
whatever. What the hell is goin on w/ this damn rain? it friggin poured today. i really want to go to the fair. i feel so blah today it sucks. that's how i feel whenever it rains. n the weirdest thing happens right before it rains. my friggin knee starts to hurt. i'm like um...ok.
I want to do somethin i'm soooo bored!!!
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| Why bill love me... |
| 08.02.03 (11:35 pm) [edit] |
:D b/c i kicked his ass yep that's right i whoppie-ted his ass! lol naw jus playin i dk how i did that either.
SO I LOVE ALLIE!!! she is the greatest person in the world!! she basically is an amazin friend!! she's fun to work w/ we make jokes online we're sweden..she does funny things n she's jus great!! hahahahaha!! i heart her!!! mwahs
yep allie tells it how it is that's why i love her!!
i'm talkin to someone about the def of loven he says this is the def: Love is pa tien love is kind it is not jealous it is not pompous it isnot inflated it is not rude it doesn not seek its own interess it is not quick - tempered it does not brood over injury it doesn not rejoice over wrondoing but rejoices w/ the truth it bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things love never fails
i love the way he put it. it's from the bible. good stuff. I think that is the best definition~props to you man
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| Why family members piss me off... |
| 08.01.03 (9:16 am) [edit] |
:x
b/c they can. First i'm very tired i was on the phone till kind of late last night w/ my poor hurt Billy. So i'm really friggin tired. Then i have my mom yellin at me to get up for work. The funniest thin is I DON'T HAVE WORK TODAY UNTIL 3!!!!! Then my mom yells at me ( i have a bro that she could have asked) for the time! she asks me what time it is??? um...ok. Then i get up b/c i live in the loudest house n NJ where everyone has to yell instead of talk. Then the phone rings i'm of course too cranky to answer it. My brother comes down n makes fun of me sayin that he thinks this simple task which i have to do is gonna b hard for me. So now i'm pissed. So i go lookin for what i have to do get pissed make a remark n JP yells at me. YES I HEART EVERYONE THIS LOVELY MORNIN!!! yay!!!! I'm goin to go frolick in the wind as the rain gets me all wet n i get even more pissed! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
blah blah blah blah
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| To want to die.. |
| 07.29.03 (4:07 pm) [edit] |
is somethin that has never left my lips. The passion in me that you have stirred up has made me come close to say those four words..."I want to die". Never bein serious for death is my biggest fear. Pain is somethin that i've lived w/ that has become my closest friend but my worst enemy at the same time. N what causes this you ask? what is the reason for wantin death? IT's called Jealousy. Friggin jealousy. Jealousy can drive a person insane. It can drive u mad.
You speak in a different language for hopes that i will not find out but i have ooohhhh i have. n you what? your an inconsiderate bastard that is too obsessed w/ what goes on in my life. You tell people bullshit. That's what you are you are a bullshhiitter!!!!! The past is what you live in. U need it like u need drugs. It's your high. you are stuck in this dream where me n you exist. But that's all it will ever b. a friggin dream. A non-existant memory of us that is made up in your head b/c you still want that. I do not understand why? or why you feel the need to try to bring somethin that will never happen back. U need to listen to the words that i am about to write to you. ~U have problems which you need to fix. I have moved on. Please do not call me. DO not try to b my friend until you can grasp this small concept, which for some reason your brain is too dense to understand, i do not want to b w/ you. Stay away from my friends. N leave me alone.~
Have a great life.
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| So What happens now.. |
| 07.27.03 (8:25 am) [edit] |
WEll what happens now. Whatever. Last night i had an amazin realization of life. I have a brand new outlook on it. I was standin around the pool at this party n i just got hit in the face n realzied so many things that i didn't no before. I mean i wasn't even drunk or anything. well yet. I watched my drunken friend dance around like a crazy person she's so funny when she is. N i tried to keep a really good eye on her. whatever not important.
SO yeah i'm at this sweet sixteen where all these adults are messed up n i was thinkin about when i was 16 n how much i've changed n grown up. N that was jus two years ago. N i love the person that i've become. I'm gonna try to change a few things so i'm happy w/ the way things are goin. I jus love bein positive about life. I'm havin that "i don't care attutide" i'm jus goin w/ the flow. someone will b happy to hear that they've been tellin me for years to do that. but i didn't no how. i really didn't. i jus let go. that's all i really need to do. So i call up Ed..now this is when i had my hardcore realization. (it was werid b/c i was feelin good if you no what i mean) N i realized how much i love him. How much i utterly love him. That i could feel it in my heart. You no when you can remember a memory w/ a feelin n you will always be stuck w/ that. I remember standin by the pool n i couldn't breathe. I couldn't. I was jus thinkin about him n i couldn't breathe. He jus amazes me so much. I told him everythin that i thought about him. I mean i think it's funny b/c i was feelin good n i'm told that you only sad n that nothin good ever comes from it but somethin good did come. ~for once~ That i am head over heels for this kid. no i had to tell him i jus had to let him no what i was feelin. That i loved him soo much. This was the first time that i've ever been this in love w/ someone this much. I told him, he got a lil frustrated w/ me b/c i wasn't in the right mind n i was sayin some things that he would rather not no about my past relationships. But all ended well. N i'm happy. N i love him.
I've had my heartbroken sooo bad. N i feared it. I think that i was afraid to actually jus let go of the feelin for fear that it would happen again. But you can't ever help the way you feel n what your heart screams. You jus can't it's impossible. Jus let it do what it wants n be careful n screw whoever tells you otherwise. I'm followin my heart n that's that.
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| Plans Failed |
| 07.25.03 (10:51 pm) [edit] |
i hate when plans fail. it sucks the big one. I really wanted to do stuff tonight but whatever it turned out to be a good night. I hung out w/ good people. i really like them. They are so much fun.
Tomorrow i have work. i've worked soo damn much in the past week i'm soo tired. well goin to a party tomorrow can't wait.
well i'm tired goin to start my night~lol
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| Forbidden past..... |
| 07.24.03 (11:13 am) [edit] |
a forbidden past that was once forgotten has now returned to haunt my existence. lies that were once spoken are now drunkly slurred at me as i try to keep myself from feelin torn up w/ rage. the pent up anger builds as this forgotten voice echos once more on my phone. i just can't handle this impossible child. I am no longer your supplier of pity or any other supply for that matter. U used to toy w/ my heart but no more. I'm sick of your blackhole of a heart. I have found my grounding and he tells no lies. So my dear child, as I was once called, I will no longer allow for you to influence any emtion that you may have stirred within me. my heart does not bleed for you b/c it has since been repaired. i have said my good byes a long time ago, but sense your dense head can not seem to comprehend such a simple two words i shall say them again..
Good-Bye.
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| My heart is bleedin.... |
| 07.22.03 (9:04 am) [edit] |
This wave of emotional stress that has fallen on my shoulders is too much to bear. I'm bleedin from my heart. I dk what to say or what to do. I can not believe what i have just been informed w/. the sadness in my heart is takin me over, i just dk what to do. this is too much. too much. i can't handle it. why the hell am i feelin this...this insane feelin.? i hate this!! i'm back where i was about two years ago. i am in a pit. i'm trapped. i'm bein suffocated. n i'll stress n i'll worry, but he's okay now. he's fine. but what if she isn't? what if? what if i drive myself crazy like i did w/ him? huh! what if i do? what the hell am i goin to say? what am i goin to do?? i dk. I'll say a couple prayers maybe that would settle the peircein of my heart n the pain within my chest. i can't breathe. this is just to friggin much. this can't be happenin this has to b some friggin nightmare. it just has to, my body is becomin numb. i want to cry. my emotions are all mixed up! i can't deal w/ this! not now. whyyy God? whyyyy??? i'm not one to ask questions Lord n u no it......whatever i'm not gonna talk to you on this friggin site..........
someone has to help me. give me somethin anythin..give me a hug or a drink. i need comfort where i am lackin. what ever i'm not gonna fuckin complain...i have to..i have to do it.......help......
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| Hold me like... |
| 07.20.03 (7:48 am) [edit] |
you never wanna let me go"-Mya
SO last night i was soo sick it was crazy. I was not feelin good at all! i had like 500 blankets on me. I was soo cold! It was crazzy.
Yesterday i had fun. Went to a BBQ w/ the gang. It was so much fun until i got thrown in the pool. i was like ummm no!!! The water was so damn cold! it was crazy. Then b/c i'm the littlest they tried to stack four of us on to Ed B's shoulders. I never quite made it up b/c we kept fallin n i was freezin up there i was shakin (b/c i was out of the water for so long b.c i was bein help up there) we fell. it was so funny!
My back hurts. blah blah blah
SO yeah CLinton Road experience is comin soon. If n e one reads Weird NJ they will no what that is. We are soo goin!!
I can't wait either. One of my friends was talkin to some kid who went there n he said that it's some scary ass stuff. N once they got followed by a red truck!! oh man.
I'm also tryin to find the slaughter house in Marlboro. I heard that was insane one of my friends started cryin. ahh!!
i can't wait!!!
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| And You DOn't Care ABOUT ME.... |
| 07.18.03 (10:20 pm) [edit] |
And I know it's just no use When all your lies become your truths and I don't care...Could you look me in the eye?...And leaving you with all the blame 'cause I DON'T CARE."-Michelle Branch
I don't even no where to begin. I just hate how little things can piss me off to such an extent that i get so damn upset. I get SCREWED OVER all the friggin time!! People screw me over.
U do not care about me at all. Don't even pretend that you do care b/c you do not. i tried my hardest to make an effort n my efforts are wasted. Now the roles are reversed. I KNOW what it is like now to b tryin so hard n failin. U WIN. I got mine. So u should b happy b/c you have people to hang around w/ n now it's you who doesn't have time for me. U don't have time. U didn't even remember that i was comin to see you yesterday! now that hurt! that hurt so much. I'm gonna talk to you about this don't worry. This isn't some dumb thing where i bad mouth you on this site n don't talk to you about it. Mayb it's stupid to vent over this thing. but i need to. I don't want to cry n when i vent i don't. if i don't vent i will. yeah whatever u almost made me cry...
Are U happy now??
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| Why I love... |
| 07.18.03 (2:53 pm) [edit] |
Colleen.
I love colleen b/c when i'm sad i get cheese n bagel chips. She came today n brought me cheese. Not just any cheese bree cheese. I don't no how to spell so whatever. Then we went to her house n tried to watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". We found pics from the snow day where Ed, Ed B, Bill, Allie, jennie, lindsey, meesh, colleen, n myself played in the snow. That was the first time i ever hung out w/ Eddie. :-D
Goin to Rutgers tonight w/ Christie n Sara. Party!!! Good shit. Can't wait.
I heart bullll shiiitttttttttttt!!!!!!!! !!! ugh!!!
i also heart work forever!!
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| You should've picked honesty.. |
| 07.16.03 (8:00 am) [edit] |
Then U may not have blown it Now there's just no chance, for U n me, there'll NevA B."-Justin Timberlake
SO I LOVE COLLEGE!!! IT'S SOO GREAT!!!! oh man i had the time of my life. The people are so amazin i got some great classes i can't wait. I ended up meetin up w/ Matt n Maria. It was crazy. I saw some other people that i no. it was really cool.
I'm also very excited b/c everyone up there dresses in Abercrombie and Hollister. it excited me so much b/c those are my two favorite stores! it's so awesome. I move in Aug 24th n..(of course gonna miss everyone so much, but...) i met so many amazin people that i can't wait to go hang out w/ them!!!
Certain situations have been occurin n all i want to do is b left alone.
So i have a 2 do list this summer-
*beach
*bbQ w/ pals
*goin to Clinton road lol
*water balloon fight
*bill takin me to new places that him, tim, joe, n egg found
*partyin..
*etc. i can go on!!
yay! i'm back thou..gotta go wake the boy up! looks like rain blah!!! i'm soo excited!!!!!
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| It's about life.. |
| 07.13.03 (1:03 pm) [edit] |
it's about fun. i hate you i love you i just can't remember to forget you."-lilix
i just don't know. i really don't.
goin to scranton.i'm excited i'm goin for orentation. I'm really siked. i dk if JP is gonna b stayin at his house. i hope they do. i want to see all of them. Matt better call me n Maria better 2!!!
i'm in a bad mood hopefully i'll be in a better one once i get up there. i can't wait.
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| like What.. |
| 07.12.03 (10:32 pm) [edit] |
yeah i had a pretty great day..i was over ed's house yesterday n found that pic of bill n him... i love it soo much it's my favorite pic. then i thought that i would be cool n put some more pics up. but whatever. ya no ya no.
went to a very nice weddin...i love things like that. i enjoyed myself quite well n i was w/ the person i love so what more could a gal ask for.
Ed: Because I love you soooo much and that makes me feeeeeel gooooood
gettin instant messages like that are the greatest thing in the world. :-)
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| SO WhAT |
| 07.10.03 (10:45 pm) [edit] |
so yeah i'm in such a hyper mood i want to play w/ someone or go crazy n like have a huge water balloon fight...i dk...
wow my away message stirred up some insane questions everyone wanted to no who it was about this is all it read:
ARE U HAPPY NOW?
can u look me in the eye and tell me that your happy now?????
that's it that's the whole thing. N i had like a million people who wanted to no who it was... u b insane people
bill u better comment on this one or grr!!!!
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| She's all the joy in my heart... |
| 07.10.03 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
she's everything that I see."-Bouncing Souls
SO yeah last night was really great I got lost in Atlantic city. If any one needs crack i know where to buy it b/c i must of passed like 10 crack houses. But i made it to Trump Plaza picked up the girls n we got lost for like 30 minutes. A car full of girls yellin directions is by no means fun. We went back to Christie's place n i enjoyed myself quite well.
oh man. i hate when people fight it sucks.
WEll i get to see Brian tonight yay!!! i'm excited. I'm out need to shower.
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| Everyone's caught on to everything you do |
| 07.08.03 (11:03 pm) [edit] |
Is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back So let's end this call and end this conversation And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say "best friends" means friends forever" -Brand New
People never cease to amaze me. I can't believe all that people say and do. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach. People talk soo much crap aboout people it makes me sick. i hate fake people so much.
i went away for four days n it was soo great. i didn't have to deal with any of this shit. sometimes u just feel like cryin..... Well i do!
I can't take people they piss me off to much. i want college to come so i can go to people that don't piss me off n i dont have to deal w/ this immature bull shit, I seriously don't understand anythin any more. I mean why do i let people affect me so much. i let dumb situataions over come my whole thought process that it smothers me n i cant breath. people suck. I just hate when people get mad at me for no reason what so ever but never ever get mad at another person for doin the same thing. ugh!!! it's one thirty in the mornin n i feel like i can run a million miles n not b tired. i mean how many times can shit happen as long as u live? i mean really, how many bad moments can u have? how many? does it ever end? does it? But i kno that after every storm comes a rainbow. blah blah blah. I wonder about that..like is there a limit? when some reaches the limit does it stop? or does it just mean that u can handle more. like your strong person so u can handle.
i need to just get away....
"when you say "best friends" means friends forever" so damn tru..ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!
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